Trip to the ER

Maci,


How do you feel about lasagna for dinner? I told myself last night that I'd never eat it again. Your first run in with the cheesy, meaty, tomatoey dish was not a good one. I was holding you while I had the bright idea to make your dads dinner plate and when I plopped that food on the plate, you shoved your hand right in the middle of it. Hot, right out of the oven. I keep replaying it in my head and thinking of all of the things that I could have done differently.

1) Why was I holding you in the first place around hot food?
2) Why didn't I just drop the plate when I saw you going for it?

Unfortunately my brain didn't react that fast. I see it happening over and over again in my head in slow motion and I wish I could have a do over. Last night was easily the worst night of my life. Right when it happened I grabbed your hand and tried to get as much of the sauce off as I could. I knew what was happening. It was burning my hand just trying to get it off of you, so I can't imagine how you were feeling. I held your little hand under the cold water while your grandma called the nurses hotline. It makes me sick just thinking about it.

You were shaking and writhing in pain. I had a cold wash cloth for you to hold onto and you were sucking on it and screaming at the same time. We drove you to the ER and thankfully they gave you pain medicine and wrapped your little hand up. They said it was a 2nd degree burn and that it would heal just fine, but it still doesn't take away the pain. Your pain or mine. It was heartbreaking listening to your screams for over an hour, knowing that I couldn't take the pain away. Knowing that it was my fault.

I just had to change your bandage for the 2nd time today. You have been such a big girl. You don't scream or cry, you just sit there and let me do what I need to do. And thank God for your Grammy. I don't know what I would have done without her help. A girl always needs her mom...


I love you so much and I'm so sorry you had to go through this... I'm just glad you won't remember the pain, because I know how bad burns hurt even after the fact. Bubble wrap anyone?

Love you,

Mama

Big Girl!

Dear Baby Maci,

I'm not doing a very good job at keeping up with these letters to you. I think I'm going to make a late new years resolution to start writing at least once a week ;). I don't want to forget anything, and that's exactly what's going to happen if I only write every few months.

It's February now and you're changing so much every single day. Last time I wrote, you had just started babbling... and now you say "mama" and "dada" and you're working on "nana", too! On January 20th you FINALLY rolled over from your back to your belly. I was watching Dolphin Tale and you were playing on the floor and when I looked down you were AAAALMOST there. You finally ended up doing it and played on your stomach for a while. I couldn't take my eyes off of you for fear that you were going to do something I hadn't seen before. I felt so proud! You actually got up on your hands and knees that day, too. From then on I feel like you've done something new every day. You also sit up by yourself perfectly. I used to be able to sit you down on the floor with toys and walk away, and now when I sit you down you instantly start trying to get on your hands and knees. And then you get mad because you aren't sure what to do next, so I have to put you back on your bottom and we do it all over again!

You also learned how to wave recently! We'll tell you "say byebye!" and you flap your arm up and down like it's the heaviest thing in the world. And yesterday you started doing it with your fingers, but only to Grandma Betty. You love her! I'm glad because she's a very special lady! I think you make her day when you give her special attention.

Your hair is starting to grow in finally! And your eyes keep changing colors... one day they'll be blue, then green, then brown... I can't wait to see what color they're going to be. Your eyelashes are also getting longer. I watch you when you sleep and they just look so beautiful laying there on your little face. Did I mention you have an attitude? I wonder where you get that from... :) Ive started giving you lots of new foods lately since you're becoming such a big girl. You love mashed potatoes, cottage cheese, string cheese, pasta, peaches, crackers. You aren't sure about the jars of veggies but hopefully that changes with time! Valentine's Day was this week. I painted your fed red and TRIED to make your daddy a valentine... it was such a mess! A good memory though for sure :)

I think were going to try switching you to your crib soon. You used to sleep through the night, but now you are in our bed 80% of the night. I love sleeping with you, but there is not enough room in our bed!

I'm about to start school online soon so for now I do not work. We don't go to Kade's house anymore, we get to stay home with each other now and cook and clean and I love every second of it! I'm so blessed to be able to stay home with you right now. I'm not sure how long it's going to last, but I love every day.

This is kind of random, but I wanted to write and say that Whitney Houston died last week and I'm watching her funeral right now. She was an amazing singer and I'm sure as you grow up you'll hear her music so I thought it'd be neat to look back and see when I wrote about it. That is all :)


Do we have a date for next week? We will see! I'll try my best.


Love you,

Mama