How do you feel about lasagna for dinner? I told myself last night that I'd never eat it again. Your first run in with the cheesy, meaty, tomatoey dish was not a good one. I was holding you while I had the bright idea to make your dads dinner plate and when I plopped that food on the plate, you shoved your hand right in the middle of it. Hot, right out of the oven. I keep replaying it in my head and thinking of all of the things that I could have done differently.
1) Why was I holding you in the first place around hot food?
2) Why didn't I just drop the plate when I saw you going for it?
Unfortunately my brain didn't react that fast. I see it happening over and over again in my head in slow motion and I wish I could have a do over. Last night was easily the worst night of my life. Right when it happened I grabbed your hand and tried to get as much of the sauce off as I could. I knew what was happening. It was burning my hand just trying to get it off of you, so I can't imagine how you were feeling. I held your little hand under the cold water while your grandma called the nurses hotline. It makes me sick just thinking about it.
You were shaking and writhing in pain. I had a cold wash cloth for you to hold onto and you were sucking on it and screaming at the same time. We drove you to the ER and thankfully they gave you pain medicine and wrapped your little hand up. They said it was a 2nd degree burn and that it would heal just fine, but it still doesn't take away the pain. Your pain or mine. It was heartbreaking listening to your screams for over an hour, knowing that I couldn't take the pain away. Knowing that it was my fault.
I just had to change your bandage for the 2nd time today. You have been such a big girl. You don't scream or cry, you just sit there and let me do what I need to do. And thank God for your Grammy. I don't know what I would have done without her help. A girl always needs her mom...
I love you so much and I'm so sorry you had to go through this... I'm just glad you won't remember the pain, because I know how bad burns hurt even after the fact. Bubble wrap anyone?
Love you,
Mama
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